A Nation of Aged Spoiled Shits

"Social Q's" is Philip Galanes's advice column in the New York Times.  Every Tuesday in Anti-Social Q's, I will answer the same questions as "Social Q's," dropping at anti-social cues.

This week Philip answers questions that adult babies sent to him.  Seriously, why do these people live?

A ‘Circle of Life’ Exit

I’ve worked closely with my boss for four years.  He has been a really generous mentor, but I’ve gone about as far as I can at our company.  Recently, I was offered an amazing position by a competitor, and I took it.  I expected a difficult conversation with my boss, but nothing like what I got.  He practically said, “You are dead to me.”  What should I do?  I feel terrible and unsure of myself.

Anonymous

That guy is an asshole.  How did you not see it all these years?  What should you do?  Are you insane?  You have a new job where people do not say things like, oh I do not know, "You are dead to me."  Are you seriously considering staying there?  What is wrong with you, and who would hire somebody that out of it?

Next Time, Peep Up

We bought expensive tickets to a Broadway play.  As the usher led us to our eighth-row seats, we saw that my husband would be sitting next to an extremely obese woman.  She took up all of her seat and half of his.  Not wanting to be insensitive, we said nothing.  My husband spent the entire performance squeezed uncomfortably against me.  On the way out, we asked an usher what we could have done.  Nothing, she said, because the play was sold out.  If it hadn’t been, we might have been moved to seats in the rear.  But why should we be forced to give up our good seats?  Any advice?

Mary, Branford, Conn.

As somebody slim, my advice to you is to stop being such assholes.  Oh your poor husband was a bit uncomfortable?  Send him to a developing country for a couple of weeks and maybe he will grow the fuck up.  Pointing out a fatty to the usher?  Really, this is how mature we are?

A Rival in 3-D

My fiancé was dying to see “The Great Gatsby” in 3-D.  But 3-D films give me headaches.  So he suggested that we see the film in separate theaters (one in 3-D, the other not) at the same multiplex.  I agreed, but it annoyed me.  What should we have done?

Gina, Park Slope, Brooklyn

You should have read the book.  The movie, yet again, sucked and so do you.

Just Gift and Bear It

Our group of close friends has spent the last few years attending one another’s weddings.  We all give gifts to the newlyweds, except for one couple who hasn’t given gifts to anyone.  Now the nongivers are getting married.  Some of us do not want to gift them at all, whereas others think a more modest than normal gift is in order.  What do you think?

Anonymous

Why would your behavior change?  Are you only giving gifts because you expect gifts in return?  Or do you give gifts because you want to?  Be honest with yourself.  If you always give gifts of a particular value, that is what you need to do here as well.  How childish are you?  No wonder you signed as anonymous.

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