Dating Don’ts

"Social Q's" is Philip Galanes's advice column in the New York Times.  Every Tuesday in Anti-Social Q's, I will answer the same questions as "Social Q's," with a greater regard for the sad state of the human condition.

This week Philip hands out advice on special events and dating.  A son wants a song played at the most inappropriate moment, a woman is having a tough time meeting Mr. Right, and a woman wishes her friend had a more elaborate wedding.

Papa Wanted Temptations Played at His Funeral.  Mom Says No.

My father died last week.  I flew home to help my mom and sister make the funeral arrangements.  Here’s the thing: A few times, over the years, my dad and I talked about playing the song “Papa Was a Rolling Stone” at his service.  My mother said she never heard anything about it and is violently opposed to including a pop song in his religious ceremony.  I don’t want to upset her more than she already is.  My father died unexpectedly and pretty young.  But I think it’s disrespectful of her not to honor his wishes.  You?


Can you imagine attending an event like this and then having to listen to this song because some bonehead kid thought it would be cool?  You're that bonehead kid.


I think I have to give up dating apps.  If I am really looking forward to meeting a guy, I am inevitably disappointed.  And if I’m not super-psyched beforehand, it just feels like a waste of time: a drink with a stranger I’ll never see again (and rarely do).  My girlfriends seem to be having success, but I’m just getting frustrated.  Any advice? (P.S.: I’m looking for dating, not just sex.)

Anonymous, New York

Finding guys off of "dating apps" is your first problem.  Looking for them in this city is your second.  Ditch the internet, and then ditch this town.

Slip Her a Glass Slipper

A friend was a bridesmaid in my wedding three years ago.  She spent money on the shower, bachelorette party, dress and travel, which I knew was a stretch for her.  But I hoped to return the favor when she got married.  She just announced her wedding.  It is for family only, and she doesn’t want any events or gifts.  I am over-the-moon happy for her, though I am not invited.  (She wants an intimate affair.)  She told me she has a dress but no wedding shoes or accessories.  I would like to send an extravagant gift card so she can splurge on some gorgeous shoes.  I worry about seeming “tit for tat,” or making her feel bad for not inviting me, but I want to support her.  Thoughts?

Kim, New York

Honor her wishes.  Not everyone views life the same way you do.


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