The Green Machine

Every weekday we bring you Live at Five in Five, a series that highlights the most noteworthy events of the day in our fair City in five paragraphs, sentences, words, or letters.

Technology will prevent all future crime.  The NYPD is embracing technology to stop all the crimes that occur in the city, but will it work?

The NYPD is testing a technology that turns citizens green and their weapons black.  No word on if the technology can distinguish real guns from toy guns, or even wallets.

Can it detect knives?  It will have to if it wants to find out who slashed all the tires on school buses sitting idle because of the school bus strike.

It will also need to detect butcher knives as the city's educators are walking around butchering moose.  Moose sightings are an everyday occurrence in the Big Apple.

Can they detect teeth?  What?  Everybody has those?  Oh well.  A shoe shoplifter was nabbed biting a shoe salesperson's hand in order to get her teeth into some designer shoes.  She managed to get away from the salesperson and then wound up biting police officers in an unsuccessful attempt to walk away with the shoes.

What about hands and feet?  Can they detect those?  A man being held in a police precinct's holding cell managed to claw his way out after scuffling with the cops.


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