The Survivor Power Rankings: Flipping Birds Edition

Survivor: Cagayan's five remaining castaways went at each other this week.  As next week is the season finale, and the jurors now have as much power as the people remaining on the island, we are incorporating jurors into the power rankings as well.  How will they vote?  Who will they give the million dollars to?  Only they know, but we can look at their body language and try to figure it out.  Kasstastrophe Kasstrates Malnutrisha and shows the world just how Klassless she is.  Kass is the queen of Krass.  Kass is a middle finger flicking ass.  I just can't stop making up names for Kass.  Here is our weekly look at the happenings of the previous episode and our highly scientific power ranking of the Survivor: Cagayan castaways.  Straight from the laboratories of Stocking Blue, with more Survivor: Cagayan gifs!

TonyStony Baloney -- Bad cop/construction worker/liar/paranoid/all around bad guy/idol hunter/compulsive swearer

  • Wins reward challenge.  Plus 10.
  • Starts talking llama.  Minus 10.
  • Sounds nothing like one.  Minus 10.
  • Outed by Kasstastrophe on his secret alliance with her.  Minus 10.
  • Takes an early lead in the immunity challenge.  Plus 10.
  • Puzzled by puzzle.  Minus 15.
  • The spy shack returns with more spy and less shack.  Minus 10.
  • Opens his mouth, convinces Whoosh that he is playing him.  Minus 10.
  • Horrible Kasstastrophe impression.  Minus 5.
  • Last week he can use his hidden immunity idols.  Minus 75.
  • Manages to convince the others that he can use one next week.  Plus 50.
  • Everybody wants to take him to the end.  Plus 25.
  • This week's total: -50.
  • Cumulative total: 90.


SpencerSpencer -- Economics student/kid genius/grandmaster/inexperienced young lad

  • Loses reward challenge.  Minus 10.
  • Asks Whoosh, "Woo, do you have any thoughts on this?"  Plus 10.
  • Comes from behind (what else is new?) to win immunity.  Plus 50.
  • This quote: "I feel like I'm in One Flew over the Cuckoo's Nest."  Plus 10.
  • This week's total: 60.
  • Cumulative total: 55.


WooWhoosh -- Martial arts instructor/professor of linguistics/think tank

  • Loses reward challenge.  Minus 10.
  • Realizes that Stony's been leading him on.  Plus 5.
  • With not much help from others.  Plus 10.
  • When asked if he has any thoughts, he replies, "I do, what are you guys thinking?"  Plus 10.
  • Actually calls out Stony on whether he had a secret alliance on Kasstastrophe.  Plus 10.
  • This week's total: 25.
  • Cumulative total: 20.


KassKasstastrophe -- Attorney

  • Loses reward challenge.  Minus 10.
  • Stony attempts an alliance with her, she gets mad.  Minus 5.
  • Attempts to verify story that Whoosh told Stony about hidden alliance.  Plus 5.
  • Is succesful and gets Stony to flip out.  Plus 10.
  • Gets Stony to flip out so much he makes animal noises.  Plus 25.
  • Shows how easy it is to get under Stony's skin.  Plus 10.
  • This quote: "She looked like freaking Skeletor with big blue eyes popping out and her skeleton finger waving in my face."  Minus 10.
  • This quote: "Trish railed into me like a freaking wild skeleton, blue-eyed banshee."  Minus 5.
  • This quote: "I didn't predict that psychobitch would come out at me today."  Minus 5.
  • Horrible Stony impression.  Minus 5.
  • Flips the bird.  Minus 50.
  • To someone that just got voted out.  Minus 50.
  • Everybody wants to take her to the end.  Plus 25.
  • This week's total: -65.
  • Cumulative total: -105.


LJLJ -- Horse trainer

  • Got voted off.  Minus 250.
  • Facial expression blanker than Whoosh's.  This guy should play poker.  Plus 5.
  • Shocked when the word "psychobitch" was uttered.  Plus 20.
  • Disappointed at Stony's special idol.  Plus 10.
  • Shakes head in disapproval at Kasstastrophe's middle finger.  Plus 25.
  • This week's total: -190.
  • Cumulative total: -190.


SarahSarah -- Good cop

  • Got voted off.  Minus 250.
  • Jaw was constantly on the floor.  Plus 5.
  • Biggest laugher on the jury.  Plus 5.
  • Disappointed at Stony's special idol.  Plus 10.
  • Most shocked person by Kasstastrophe's middle finger.  Plus 25.
  • This week's total: -205.
  • Cumulative total: -205.


JeremiahJeremiah -- Fashion model

  • Constant state of surprise.  Minus 5.
  • This week's total: -5.
  • Cumulative total: -245.


TrishMalnutrisha -- Pilates instructor

  • Loses reward challenge.  Minus 10.
  • Gets picked to receive reward.  Plus 5.
  • Calls herself Malnutrisha.  Plus 5.
  • Tries to teach Stony eating etiquette.  Plus 5.
  • Fails.  Minus 5.
  • This quote: "I'd rip you apart in 30 seconds."  Minus 5.
  • This quote: "Then you turn around with that big ugly [bleeped out] grin on your face."  Minus 10.
  • This quote: "You are a vicious and cruel human being."  Minus 5.
  • Gets voted off.  Minus 250.
  • Wishes the remaining players good luck.  Plus 25.
  • This week's total: -245.
  • Cumulative total: -255.


MorganMorgan -- Cheerleader/queen/pillow

  • Got voted off.  Minus 250.
  • Queen of the eye squint.  Plus 5.
  • Queen of the giggle.  Minus 5.
  • Second most vindictive facial expressions on the jury.  Minus 10.
  • Most bored look on the jury.  Minus 5.
  • Disappointed at Stony's special idol.  Plus 10.
  • This week's total: -255.
  • Cumulative total: -255.


JefraJefra -- Beauty pageant winner/clueless in life

  • Widest eyes of the bunch.  Plus 5.
  • Constant state of surprise.  Minus 5.
  • Look of disgust when everyone starts going at each other.  Plus 20.
  • This week's total: 20.
  • Cumulative total: -305.


TashaTasha -- Accountant/Immunity Challenge Beast

  • Only juror that seemed bitter when she entered.  Minus 10.
  • Cringes at Kasstastrophe's catastrophic statements.  Plus 5.
  • Most vindictive facial expressions on the jury.  Minus 15.
  • Only one that didn't laugh at the "I feel like I'm in One Flew over the Cuckoo's Nest." line.  Not even a smirk.  Minus 20.
  • This week's total: -40.
  • Cumulative total: -330.



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46 comments

Profile photo of photog17photog17
May 16th, 2014  12:46 PM

That Spencer gif is perfect. Another baboon reference on this show.


Profile photo of blybly
May 16th, 2014  1:09 PM

Adults make fun of others’ physical features? Where did they find these people?


Profile photo of blybly
May 16th, 2014  1:10 PM

Is Jeremiah’s shirt shrinking before our eyes?


Profile photo of randomlettersrandomletters
May 16th, 2014  1:23 PM

This is how gifs are done. I take back my comment from the previous post.


Profile photo of randomlettersrandomletters
May 16th, 2014  1:24 PM

It looks like Morgan is not voting for Stony or Krass. That leaves Spencer and Whoosh with a vote from her.


Profile photo of LelandLeland
May 16th, 2014  1:56 PM

The look on Stony’s and Trish’s faces on Kass’s gif is hilarious.


Profile photo of SarcastiteSarcastite
May 16th, 2014  2:20 PM

The mouseover text for Whoosh’s gif is so perfect. “So this is what a thought feels like.”


Profile photo of 70PercentWater70PercentWater
May 16th, 2014  3:04 PM

Was Tasha sitting on a toilet by any chance?


Profile photo of AsFarAsImConcernedNelliesStillFantasticAsFarAsImConcernedNelliesStillFantastic
May 16th, 2014  3:26 PM

Poor Morgan, she doesn’t get her own gif? Why does she have to share?


Profile photo of Otto BlottoOtto Blotto
May 16th, 2014  3:58 PM

What is it with all the Kass hate on this site? She simply said she was going to vote Trish out and Trish flipped out and went wild on her. So what if Kass flipper her the bird? She was probably relieved that tension was gone.


Profile photo of Hardly HoudiniHardly Houdini
May 16th, 2014  4:59 PM

Stony’s gif is hilarious because he is just shuffling the same two pieces back and forth, even if you don’t factor in for the loop.