The Survivor: Cagayan Recap: What Do You Think Woo?

Last night's episode, "Straw that Broke the Camel's Back," opens with the backstory of Spencer and Stony.  Spencer is the ultimate underdog while Stony is the luckiest man alive.  But then, last week things started to change.  Spencer won immunity.  Stony was called out by Kasstastrophe.  And even thoughtful Whoosh was being wooed by Stony's adversaries.

Back at camp.  It is dark.  It is raining.  Spencer turns to Whoosh and Kasstastrophe and brings up their final three deal in front of Stony.  Kasstastrophe confirms, in her confessional, that the realization that nobody will vote Stony the winner is why she changed her mind.  Or rather she means that Tasha helped her come to that realization.  Stony is all smiles.  He informs Spencer that they were toying with him.  Spencer, "I'm playing against Tony who has played all these people like a fiddle, and three foolish players who don't think for themselves."

Stony and Whoosh are on a boat.  Stony offers Whoosh a final three.  An idea enters Whoosh's head, and stays there until the next one comes along.  Stony's final three: Whoosh, Stony, and Kasstastrophe.  He tells Whoosh no one is voting for Kasstastrophe, and it's between Whoosh and Stony.  Under ideal circumstances, this would have sparked a thought in Whoosh's head.  Maybe if it was sunny out.  But no, Whoosh believed that Stony is willing to bring someone to final three that can get more votes than him.  Whoosh then decides to fill Stony in on the Spencer/Kasstastrophe/Whoosh alliance, even though Spencer already did that last night.  Anyway, paranoid Stony actually considers this an act of loyalty, even though Whoosh lied to him this whole time.  Here's Stony, "Woo has been with me since the beginning, he's proven his trust and his loyalty to me, throughout.  The kid is genuine, and it just tears me apart that I'm going to have to eventually blindside him."

Stony also informs us of a conversation with his wife, "My wife told me, 'Don't do anything stupid.  Try to win the game.'"

Reward Challenge

An octagon of mud rests in the middle of an open field.  The castaways are to dive into the pit of mud and cover their bodies with it.  They'll then race back to a bucket making their way across a hurdle and scrape the mud off their body into a bucket.  They cannot carry mud.  The winner, the castaway with the most mud in the bucket after 10 minutes, gets pizza delivered to the camp.  They all dive into the pit.  They run across the hurdles.  They empty mud into buckets.  Time is up.  Stony's bucket overflows with mud.  The other castaways agree to forego the ceremonial weighing of the buckets, as Stony's is the only one overflowing with lies, paranoia, and mud.  Stony wins.  Jeff thinks that, "Pizza delivered to home for one, kind of pathetic."  He looks into the camera, and into America's living room.  Americans watch with a slice of pizza in their hands.  Five hungry castaways.  A scolding host.  And a whole lot of people eating pizza alone.  So Stony needs to choose another castaway to join him in the eating of the pizza.  If only the viewers could do the same.  Stony says, "Anorexia, come on over."  Trish starts walking and states, "Yeah, Malnutrisha's been dying for pizza.  I love you, I love you, I love you."  She goes and hugs Stony.  The two of them covered in mud.  Soon to be covered in cheese.  The other three castaways' faces fall to the ground.

Back at camp, the castaways head to the beach to wash the mud off.  Kasstastrophe is giving a confessional where she explains why Stony picked Malnutrisha.  Stony is the alpha male, she says, and Malnutrisha is along for the ride.  In her words, "They're like a couple of baboons.  Surprised she's not picking ticks off him right now."  She continues, "No one in this game should have that much power."

Tony eats

A helicopter arrives.  Stony and Malnutrisha watch and wait.  Spencer offers, "The pizza reward is kind of like a metaphor for what's going on in the game.  Tony is winning.  He's taking along Trish, his right hand person, and no one seems to be bothered by that."  Stony digs in.  America retches.  Malnutrisha offers, "Oh my God, Tony you're going to throw up.  Stop."  It's too late Malnutrisha, the entire country beat him to it.  Stony rebuts, "Mm!"  Malnutrisha graphically explains the scene for us, as if we needed reminding, "I've never seen anyone snort a pizza down like Tony.  I saw it coming out of his nose, his ears, and there was sauce and there were pineapples flying everywhere."

Malnutrisha makes the same mistake Tasha did.  She informs Stony that Kasstastrophe pissed off everyone and that no one will vote for her.  Stony starts making calculations in his head.  Stony takes a walk with Kasstastrophe.  He tells her that Whoosh told him everything about her attempt to blindside him.  Kasstastrophe's face drops.  Kasstastrophe ignores all of Stony's stupid strategies and focuses on the fact that Whoosh told Stony about the attempt.  Kasstastrophe says that it was stupid of Whoosh to tell Stony (duh), but it was even more stupid of Stony to tell Kasstastrophe (duh, again).  Stony swears on his entire family that he is taking Kasstastrophe to the end.  One wonders how many people in Stony's family are going to die unpleasant deaths.

He Said, She Said

Back at camp.  Kasstastrophe's first order of business is to ask Whoosh if he told Stony everything about their attempt to blindside Stony.  Whoosh denies saying anything.  Stony approaches.  Kasstastrophe tells Stony that Whoosh denies what Stony told her.  Stony, as usual, flips out.  She tells Whoosh that Stony swore on his whole family that he wants her at final three.  Whoosh is thinking, or looking at the fire, it's hard to tell.

Whoosh is doing something with some bamboo.  Stony loses it like an angry baboon.  Kasstastrophe has a smile on her face.

Stony tells Kasstastrophe that she is not supposed to reveal secrets to other people, in front of Whoosh.  Could it be that Whoosh is actually getting this?  The only reason for Stony to be this upset is if Kasstastrophe is being honest.  Stony loses it so much that, well, we'll let Stony take over from here, "When I told you that you weren't supposed to tell him.  You get it?  I'm sorry I don't talk llama.  I'm supposed to talk llama to you.  Uhooahlaa-aah-aah-oooaaaaa-yeoooo-oooooo.  You understand that better."  Spencer and Kasstastrophe watch with big grins on their faces.  What the hell was that?

Stony and Malnutrisha go for a walk.  Kasstastrophe starts to work on Whoosh.  Spencer sits and listens.  She tells him about Stony swearing on his family and that she is sure that he did the same with Whoosh.  Whoosh contemplatively says, "He didn't."  He shakes his head while looking at the ground.

Spencer, "Woo, do you have any thoughts on this?"  Um.  Whoosh, "I do, what are you guys thinking?"  You just can't make this stuff up.  Tell me what to think guys.  I need a new thought in my head.  The three of them agree that Stony and Malnutrisha are running the game, and they decide who they take to the final three.  They decide to take out Malnutrisha.  She returns and hears discussion about her.  Malnutrisha is upset she's been nice to Kasstastrophe this whole time.

Spencer is happy there are cracks in the alliance, but he still knows he is their first target.  The only way to be saved is to win immunity.

Immunity Challenge

A two storied structure stands by a beach.  First they have to untangle a braided rope so that a key comes loose.  From there, they have to unlock a chest that reveals ladder rungs which only fit in certain slots.  On the second level there are puzzle planks that need to be placed in the right order to build a staircase.  At the top a sliding puzzle.  First to finish all this gets immunity.

Tony not solving his puzzle

Stony gets his key loose first.  He unlocks his chest.  Malnutrisha and Kasstastrophe release their keys.  Stony starts placing rungs on the ladder.  Spencer releases his key.  Whoosh finally releases his.  Stony completes his ladder and heads to the second level.  Spencer follows.  Stony completes the staircase as Spencer begins work on his.  Stony heads to the slide puzzle.  He starts doing what he does best: he makes a million moves without thinking about a single one.  Time passes.  Stony continues to shuffle pieces everywhere.  Spencer completes his staircase.  He starts working on his puzzle.  Spencer calculates every move, Stony shuffles pieces, "around like a madman," thanks, Jeff.  Spencer yells, "Jeff!  Jeff!"  Jeff runs over.  Stony looks at Spencer's puzzle, puzzled.  Spencer wins.

Stony sounds sorry at his confessional, "Worst case scenario came true for me today: Spencer has won immunity, once again, so now we have to speed up the process of elimination from our own alliance, which is going to be very, very, very hard."

Kasstastrophe Versus Malnutrisha

Trish's tirade

The castaways return to camp.  Malnutrisha decides to confront Kasstastrophe about her earlier conversation.  Malnutrisha completely loses it.  Kasstastrophe is smiling, as usual.  Malnutrisha unleashes a tirade, "I'd rip you apart in 30 seconds," "Then you turn around with that big ugly [bleeped out] grin on your face," "You are a vicious and cruel human being," and so on.  Kasstastrophe saved her comments for her confessional.  Take it away Kass, "She looked like freaking Skeletor with big blue eyes popping out and her skeleton finger waving in my face."  Stony asks Malnutrisha to take a walk with him.  Whoosh joins them.

The Wooing of Wishy-Washy Whoosh

Spencer and Kasstastrophe have a discussion.  Spencer says that if those three are together, there's nothing the two of them can do.  They agree to talk to Whoosh.

Meanwhile, Stony tries to clear things up with Whoosh.  Whoosh wants to know if promises were made by Stony to Kasstastrophe.  Stony says yes, but know he's making promises to Whoosh.  Stony once again swears on his family, and extends the swearing to his religion, his job as a cop, his internal organs, on the whole entire world, and even on the dead that the final three are Whoosh, Malnutrisha, and himself.

Whoosh feels like he can't trust Stony because he swore everything to everyone.  Well, hello.

Tony spying

Whoosh approaches Kasstastrophe who is working on a coconut.  He tells her he decided he will vote out Malnutrisha.  He starts hacking at the coconut.  Spencer joins the two a little later.  They talk about Stony and Malnutrisha and how the two of them are inseparable.  Stony sees the three together.  Stony's paranoia grows.  He hides behind leaves and listens. 

Stony approaches Whoosh.  Stony starts swearing on graves.  He says if he is not sure if Whoosh is in, he might have to change his plans.

Tribal Council

Jeff surprised

Kasstastrophe begins the festivities with, "Uh, the minute we got back, Trish railed into me like a freaking wild skeleton, blue-eyed banshee."  Tasha, on the jury, cringes.  Jeff says, "What was that again?"  Kasstastrophe responds, "I don't even know what I said, but I'm sure it was accurate."  The facial expressions.  Everyone's jaws are on the floor.  People continue to talk about the day.  Kasstastrophe gets the floor once again, "I didn't predict that psychobitch would come out at me today."  Facial expressions everywhere.  She then brings up Stony's promises to everyone.  Stony tries to defend himself, but in the process reveals that everything she accused him of is true.  His slip up, "This is what happened.  Woo approaches me and says, 'Hey Tony, Kass is talking to Spencer, they want to blindside you.'  So, I go up to Kass and say, 'Let's just be cool, we can make it to the end, but it's between us.'" Whoosh realizes that Stony really promised Kasstastrophe the final three.  He looks at Stony, as Stony continues to babble, "between us, blah blah blah, blah blah blah.  She goes back to camp, [imitating Kass] 'Hey Woo, is it true that you told Tony this and that and this and that?'" Kasstastrophe says that this exchange worked out as she thought it would.  Stony raises his hands to the sky and calls her a strategist that planned this all along.

She then does her imitation of Stony, "'Kass the deal is off.  I'm done with you.  It's over.' in front of Woo."  She points out that by being so angry, Stony showed that his plan was exposed.  Stony jumps in to say that he is emotional, and that Kasstastrophe never shows any emotion, "I express my feelings and my facial expressions.  She just sits there with the same grin on her face.  Mad, happy, sad, crying, whatever, same look, you can't, [pointing at her] look!"  Kasstastrophe has a grin on her face.  As does everyone else.  Kasstastrophe's response, "Well you're making an ass of yourself."  Stony, "And she calls me an animal.  So I had to talk to her like I'm an animal, so I said, 'Breah-yeah-yeah-yeeeeahs,' so she can understand me, and she got offended by that Jeff.  It's just a joke."  Laughter everywhere.  If you haven't seen this, see it, it is so worth it.

Kass flips the bird

After a little conversation, Stony pulls out his bag of tricks.  Out of that he pulls out his idol and he pulls out his special idol.  Whoosh smiles.  Spencer sighs.  The jurors' eyes bulge.  And with that, it's time to vote.  Jeff goes to tally the votes.  He asks if anyone wishes to play their idol.  Stony plays his regular idol.  The votes are read: Trish, Kass, Trish, and Trish.  Trish is voted out.  Kasstastrophe is elated.  As Malnutrisha heads out, she turns back and wishes the remaining castaways good luck.  To this, Kasstastrophe flips the bird.  Sarah's jaw, on the jury, drops into a cavernous hole beneath the floor.


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51 comments

Profile photo of photog17photog17
May 15th, 2014  12:44 PM

Actually, DJ Stony Baloney would be an excellent name for a DJ.


Profile photo of photog17photog17
May 15th, 2014  12:46 PM

“Stony looks at Spencer’s puzzle, puzzled.”
Best sentence.


Profile photo of The Letter YThe Letter Y
May 15th, 2014  12:49 PM

There should’ve been more facial expression gifs.


Profile photo of The RoosterThe Rooster
May 15th, 2014  1:06 PM

Stony’s wife: Don’t do anything stupid.

Did she know who she was talking to?


Profile photo of blybly
May 15th, 2014  1:38 PM

This is the first episode I watched and these people are insane!


Profile photo of blybly
May 15th, 2014  1:39 PM

I was actually eating food alone while watching this. But at least I cooked it myself.


Profile photo of pottedplantpottedplant
May 15th, 2014  1:56 PM

This is why we’re headed to WWIII in Ukraine, because Tony swore on world peace that he wasn’t going to blindside someone.


Profile photo of SarcastiteSarcastite
May 15th, 2014  2:39 PM

That was actually pretty smart of Stony to pretend the idol is good for next week. I can’t believe Jeff didn’t say anything.


Profile photo of Rosemary's PlaythingRosemary's Plaything
May 15th, 2014  2:52 PM

I know both Kass and Stony think they’re each others’ goat, but who is the other person they both think they can beat? Woo? Spencer? Both have pissed off enough people that either of those can win.


Profile photo of Joan of SnarkJoan of Snark
May 15th, 2014  3:12 PM

The whole time I was thinking Kass is a genius to get everyone riled up like that and then convince the jurors through her skills of arguing as a lawyer, and then … Kass gives Trish the finger. What?


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