Every weekday we bring you Live at Five in Five, a series that highlights the most noteworthy events of the day in our fair City in five paragraphs, sentences, words, or letters.

A day of oxymorons in New York.  An emotional stoic recites her story, an agency that keeps two sets of books redefines flexibility, Long Island has museums (LOL), slavery has a go in the north, and rats surprise New Yorkers.

A "hardened" New Yorker needs assistance to cross the street.  This "hardened" New Yorker's heart melts and grants construction workers free coffee.

Metrocards will now be so flexible you can only use them in one way: unlimited rides first, pay-per-ride after that.  Thankfully, with the millions of dollars the MTA will save, they can buy a dictionary.

Oxymoronic statement of the day: Nassau County has museums.

Workers, not slaves, do not get paid.  So much for wagery.

New Yorkers are surprised by the proliferation of rats.