Clean Food and Clean People

Every weekday we bring you Live at Five in Five, a series that highlights the most noteworthy events of the day in our fair City in five paragraphs, sentences, words, or letters.

A billionaire announces his mayoral run, which reminds people of dirty supermarkets and a dirty Grand Central.  Modesty squads sprout throughout the city to clean people as well, the NYPD is unaffected.

Another man officially stepped forward to announce his candidacy for New York Mayor.  What a surprise, a billionaire.  If there is any solace to this billionaire it is that he did not make his money in finance, was once poor, and wears wrinkled shirts.  Oh Wall Street Journal.

Do not think this is some sweetheart billionaire though.  He made his money off of Gristedes, the infamous supermarket chain, infamous for its cleanliness (LOL) that led a police officer to cannibalism because he could not bear the sight of all the dirt in his local supermarket.

But Catsimatidis promises to clean everything up, much like Grand Central has been cleaned up since the 1970s and 1980s.  No word on if he plans to clean up people's acts though.

That is the responsibility of the local modesty squads.

The modesty squads have not infiltrated the NYPD where sex is traded for promotions.

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2 comments


Avatar of The Livid LibrarianThe Livid Librarian
January 31st, 2013  10:11 AM

On the plus side: We may get some serious bargains at Gristedes if he gets desperate to win.