Misanthropic Men Mumble Mumble Mumble
Every weekday we bring you Live at Five in Five, a series that highlights the most noteworthy events of the day in our fair City in five paragraphs, sentences, words, or letters.
The city is being held hostage by the powerful men of misanthropy. The mayor is cutting programs and building a super mosquito, the local papers wish more people would die, the MTA wants to shoot people with lasers, and mayoral hopefuls are threatening the city with disaster if they do not win.
The billionaire mayor revealed his preliminary budget for next fiscal year, and it is full of cuts. Recovery!
The Wall Street Journal thinks that one New Yorker dying every three days in the subway tracks is not enough. Come on people, start diving into the tracks because Rupert Murdoch thinks more death is good.
The MTA in another cost-cutting measure will incorporate lasers to prevent "subway splashes." If you fall into the tracks, laser beams will slice and dice you so that you do not slow up everyone else's commute.
The billionaire mayor is funding genetic engineering of mosquitoes. What could possibly go wrong?
Former MTA head and subway fare hiker, Joe Lhota, is blackmailing people into voting for him for next mayor. He says that all sorts of crime and high taxes will be unleashed on the city if he does not become mayor.