Politicians, Serial Killers, and Vegetarians

Every weekday we bring you Live at Five in Five, a series that highlights the most noteworthy events of the day in our fair City.  Today we have politicians running for higher office, talking dirty, doing the dirty, resembling serial killers, and a vegetarian firefighter.

Our delightful plutocrat billionaire mayor, a man of high esteem, and more importantly, a dainty dignified demeanor, told State Senator Malcolm Smith "fuck you."  Malcolm Smith was simply parlaying to the always understanding of the people's plight mayor, that there was anarchy in the streets and that "Someone even tried to break into [Malcolm's] car with [Malcolm] in it."  The mayor's office denies this, and when reached for comment stated, "We did not fucking say that, now get the fuck away from me before I do fuck you!"

Scott Stringer is no longer a mayoral candidate.  He has opted to run for comptroller, citing that he does not have what it takes to be a mayor, "I just simply cannot use the F-word like the current mayor does.  It is just beneath me to do that.  So I am seeking a higher office."

Cortland County's District Attorney Mark Suben, it turns out was an adult film actor back in the 1970s.

He also looks quite a bit like the man the NYPD is looking for that they think is associated with the "Numbers Killer."  A serial killer that is killing Middle Eastern proprietors of stores with the number eight in their address.  The police are calling the porn star/district attorney lookalike "John Doe Duffle Bag."  Other notable people, the police cited with this case include, "Jane Doe Green Jacket," "John Doe Bubble Jacket," and "Jane Doe Long Coat."

In related hate crime news, a vegetarian firefighter is being bullied by his coworkers for refusing to eat meat.


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2 comments

Avatar of MyNameIsMeMyNameIsMe
November 19th, 2012  10:05 PM

I lost it when I clicked the link and all those “Doe” names are real.


Avatar of photog17photog17
November 20th, 2012  12:54 PM

“A serial killer that is killing Middle Eastern proprietors of stores with the number eight in their address.”

That’s some mighty fine detective work there.